The Trade Winds hotel room I’ve just entered smells like stale cigarette smoke. As soon as I opened the door that overwhelming stench took me back to my childhood when my mom would sit on the floral print couch and chain smoke Marlboro Reds. The phone up to her ear. The TV on in the background either showing a soap opera or music videos. A large ashtray full of cigarette butts sitting on the coffee table in front of her. It’s like I’m two places in time at once.
Read moreStanding at the crossroads
My mom is currently sitting in a Claremore motel room. She’s shoeless. No extra clothes. A broken neck.
She’s screaming into her phone and out of my speaker.
It’s the eighth call in 10 hours. Most of them throughout the night. Four-minute voicemails of her screaming and sobbing. I later listened to all the voicemails. All had same the message. Just the order of the retellings were changed up a bit. Uncontrollable rage in each. In each one she mentioned she wasn’t drunk or high.
Read moreThe daunting process it takes to stop being homeless
One of my mom's campsites located in north Tulsa. Just out of the frame is a house owned by a felon, who allows homeless to stay on his property for a daily fee of $5 or a pack cigarettes or some food.
So you're homeless.
You've hit rock bottom. You've burned every bridge. Eviscerated every relationship.
You feel alone, worthless, anxious, depressed, disappointed, helpless.
There are days you wish you could curl into a ball and just die.
Read moreY'all made my heart burst
Three days ago I posted about my mom being homeless. Within the blog I opened up about my feelings and shared info about her mental health. It was the first time I revealed to the world what I had been going through for 36 years. Previously there were only a handful of people who knew some of that.
I expected the blog to be read by some people. I wasn't ready for what happened.
Read moreMy mom is homeless
My mom around six months after I was born.
The above picture is my second favorite all time of my mom.
She's 14 enjoying a book. She's beautiful.
I was around six months old then.
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